I never realized what all becoming a mother would mean. I remember being pregnant with Noah, I was only 17 when I found out, and 18 when I had him, and all I could think about was having him, and holding him. I couldn't think much further down the line because I never had a baby. I didn't have any clue what sleep deprivation was,or that this little being was going to need me and rely on me 100% for everything. I had no clue how my life would change so drastically.
After Noah was born I fell into a pretty good routine. I actually really enjoyed being up with him for night feedings. I would stay up for awhile after I fed him, just so I could hold him in my arms and watch my peaceful, beautiful baby boy sleep. I would cry because I felt so blessed, Noah didn't have the easiest start in life and I am always grateful for his health. Noah was born early at 35 weeks. He was hydrocephalic- meaning spinal fluid surrounding his brain, making his head grown very large and putting pressure on his precious brain. He was diagnosed with an arachnoid cyst and shunted at 4 days old. A shunt is a device that works as a catheter it is right above his ear, the tubing that drains the fluid into his little belly. Because of the shunt he is fine, he can do normal things and be a normal little boy, and Im so grateful!!
When Noah was only 3 months old, I got pregnant again. I was terrified but I trusted in the Lord and I knew everything would be okay. The pregnancy went really fast because I was so busy with Noah and going to school. Gracelynne was born July 7th, 2008. She was 32 weeks. She was small at only 4 lbs, but she was strong and healthy. She only did a 8 day NICU stay and I got to bring her home. Having an 11 month old and a newborn was so hard. I was exhausted and their dad was not in a good place, he was unable to support us, and help me in the way I needed him to. So it was all on me. I did it though, one day at a time, I got through each day, and the challenges that it presented.
When Gracelynne started to sleep through the night my life got a lot easier. I use to not be able to go places alone because it would be so tiring by the time I got into the store, I had no energy to shop. But, in time I learned tricks, I learned to manage and now I'm a pro. I can go anywhere with the two of them!
I have learned so much about myself in the last year, and I'm still learning and growing everyday. I am starting to love the independent strong woman I am becoming, and I can say I am proud of myself, I'm proud of the little people my children our becoming. I would have never believe someone if they said you'll have 2 kids at 19 years old, and you'll become a single parent before your 20. But, this is how things have played out, and I could have choice to let those circumstances get me down. I don't I embrace life and go with it. I know my life is far from perfect, but I love it, I love my children so much, they are my world, and I wouldn't want my world without them in it. I feel so lucky and blessed for each and every moment I get to spend with them, I know this is going to go far too fast and I just want to keep every laugh, hug, giggle with me forever. I love being a mom, it is the hardest job I will ever do, but I know nothing else will bring me as much happiness as mothering my children!
